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What Is Poly? - 1/29/9

Posted by © KC LA International <3 on January 29, 2009 at 6:56am in Welcome Center (Change)
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What is Poly?

Poly is short for "Polygamy", "Poly Baligamy", "Polyandry", "Polyamory" and more...

What is the difference?

Poly is a bit more diverse and somewhat harder to explain then what most people would call a "normal" relationship. Poly is where more then two people are in the relationship and it could be one man and a couple or a few women, one woman and a couple or a few men, a few women and a few men, or what ever...

Polygamy is more like a traditional Harem, where one person in the relationship is in charge. Pretty simple.

Poly Baligamy is similar to Polygamy. The difference is that in a Polygamy relationship one person is married to more then one partner; but they all either live together or close to one another and they all know about each other and where they are in the relationship.

The difference between Polygamy and Poly Baligamy can have some gray areas. Many times you will here of a man having more then one wife in different locations; whether the women knew about each other or not, this would be more Poly Baligamy. However it is not unheard of for a woman to do the same thing.

For example:

My girlfriend was somewhat in that relationship and if one wants to get technical, she still is. Her "ex husband" and she got a divorce many moons ago, but later got back together and petitioned the court to annul the divorce. They actually never did get another divorce, but he is now married to another woman who I understand is still married to another man.

Therefor if my girlfriend remarries either I or another woman before doing something about this, then she would be in a multi Poly Baligamy relationship, just like her ex. That is one reason we don't really wish to get married.


Polyamory is what we like to refer to as a more modern Harem. Polyamory is where all the people in the relationship are equal and act as a married couple "should" act. Only in an amorous relationship not all the partner should or do interact with everyone but everyone is aware of what interactions are involved.

Another good example:

I am straight, but my girlfriend is bi and we are both looking for another woman for a long term relationship. We are not looking for casual sex or a one night stand. We are looking for a girlfriend.

When her and I started dating, I was dating another woman, but not with her though she knew of her and we all three talked on the phone at times. We had no secrets. I cared for them both, they both cared for me, but only one of them was bi. The other is married now and we are still very close friends.

She is now in another poly relationship as well. Her new husband was married to another woman, though they were only married by paper for legal reason, they had no other relations and he was free to seek an intimate partnership outside the marriage. They all still live together to this day, but now he and my friend are married and intimate with only each other.


Poly is more about the relationship then it is about the sex. Though sex is important, poly relationships are more based on love and trust. That being said; Polyandry is the reverse.

Polyandry is what normal people might think all Poly people are. Polyandry is more where your swingers fit in and is probably the most popular Poly category. In our search for finding a partner in our relationship, we have run into a lot of polyandry women; they may have been interested in us, but they were not interested in getting into a relationship with us.

Some may think that you need to be gay or bi to be in a poly relationship, but that is not so though a lot of people are. Poly is mostly a collaborate of other types of relationships that don't quite fit in what you might say or think of as "Normal"; but to poly people, this is just how we are.


The Mormon religion is another good example:

The Mormons would fit more into the Polygamy category. Originally while they we traveling west. Many of the men got killed protecting and defending the colony while on their way to Utah.

According to their beliefs, each family must have priesthood and only men at that time could be the priesthood. So any woman that became widowed, she and her children would be adopted into another family. Some men had like 80 wives and who knows how many children. In the beginning it wasn't about intimacy, but once it became more of a practice it became more and more like a traditional harem.

Now days since it is illegal in the U.S. to have more then one wife, they now legally marry the first wife and then spiritually marry the others. Other then that I am not 100% sure; I am not Mormon, but I have Mormon friends.


Polyamory does not mean that you can not get married. Like the Mormon faith, you can marry one or the other and then together you can spiritually marry another or others and live together like one big happy family if you like. Some people have gone to other countries to get married into a Polyamory relationship, for in other countries they are not as narrow minded as we are here in the U.S., but their relationship would still not be recognized by our government though it is legal in that other country. I feel it is much safer just to not get married, legally, mentally and emotionally; spiritually may be another story... That is between you and God.

In that aspect, due to the growing number of same sex relationship though same sex couple can not get married with the exception of the flip flopping laws in California; a lot of insurance companies are now doing away with the whole marriage thing. My girlfriends insurance says, "partner"; not "spouse". Therefore if we found a girlfriend, we would not have to get married in order for them or all of us maybe to be under the same "family" plan.

The good thing for us is; I have Union benefits, she works for the hospital and has a great plan herself, but the girl she has a crush on work there as well, so we wouldn't have to worry about it anyway. But you should talk to your insurance company to make sure they don't already offer that same benefit for you and/or maybe someday could.


So there are a few good examples of what a poly relationship could be. For you, it could be different. If anyone has a positive addition to ad, please let me know.

Thank you so much, CainO'
1-29-9 @ 0745 cst.


My score on The Polyamorous Test: in 2006

Heavenly Perfection

(CainO' is 86% Poly =) 95% tolerant of the poly lifestyle =) (But... he's 15% just in it for the sex =)))

Ooooooohhhh Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh You're poly.

You're tolerant of poly lifestyle. (Good for you you like yourself!)

You're not just here for the sex.

And you won't lie to your mate.

I *Like* YOU.

Congratulations on being a pretty good person =)


Oh - just so you don't go off wondering - the first question? the one about monogamous cultures? the answer is 16% of recorded cultures have been monogamous - 84% have been non monogamous! how about that? =)

Link: The Polyamorous Test

(OkCupid Free Online Dating)

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