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Long story short:

This site started out as CainO's Closet back in 2006, in 2009 it became Poly Networking and now in 2013 has been converted to The Poly Community. CainO' - me, is the founder and together with my Fire Trine business partners, we are behind the operation though I being the one with the history of Poly am the one on the scene. They, along with our other support guys and gals will be here for your I.T. needs as time prevails. I for now an "retired Poly" looking for astrological compatibility; but if Poly spons from that or not, so be it. If you have any Poly questions, you can contact me or any of the "Leaders in the Community" under "featured members" in the member section. You will be able to find our I.T. support there as well.

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The Rest of the Story:

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"My story" 2012


Poly is short for "Polygamy", "Polygyny", "Polyandry", "Polyamory", "Polyfidelity", "Polyfaithful", "Polymonogamy" and more...


Hello, my name is CainO’


An associate told me a couple years ago that, “I was the most Poly non-poly person he knows”. That’s because I gave up being Polyamorous for Polyfidelity, and it has been a 99% failure.


I grew up in your standard issue textbook Fundamentalist Christian Monogamous family, my parents and most my family are still strong in that faith. I was a devout monogamist myself until my late teens to early twenties, and discovered the Poly Community in my early thirties. I don't expect everyone to understand this; I know that some people will have a false analogy of Poly for eternity.


Possibly my first encounter with Poly was in the early 1980’s while living in Germany. I was about ten years old and my little brother was going out with twins that lived just around the corner from us. They both knew that he was their sisters’ boyfriends and so did everyone else. It never seemed like it was a big deal to anyone, and that has always stayed with me.


My second encounter to Poly was in the mid 80’s after we moved back to the U.S., which is when I started becoming strong into the church and my faith. We were studying the Old Testament for what we called back then, “Quiz Meets”; a competition among kids to whom knew the word of GOD the best. In the Old Testament; I saw many stories about Polygamy, but I didn’t really think anything about it. The church never actually spoke of it; they seem to have just skipped over it as it was never there.


In the late 80’s to early 90’s I started thinking about having my own Harem, but I never really thought it was actually possible. In the early 90’s I first started living the Poly lifestyle, though I didn’t know it was Poly. My mother had told us to just date until we find the perfect ONE. In high school I was doing just that. The difference between my brother and me at that point; was I chose to be honest to the women I dated, my brother lied and cheated on his women.


Then in 1993 I met my soon to be former first ex-wife. To here her tell it I was dating over 100 girls in school, but it was just shy of that. After I started to court her; she said, “If you’re going to date me, you’re going to have to get rid of ALL those other women, because I am not going to be a number”. I went to the cabin on the lake that weekend with my family and thought it over. I then made one of the biggest mistakes in my life.


The next week; I went from one of the most popular kids in school, to the least. More of the guys liked me because the competition had been eliminated, but that was about it. I didn’t care though, I though I found the perfect ONE! What a crock of crap that was, she turned out to be COO COO and not for COCOA PUFFS. We dated through the remainder of high school, then married and divorced shortly thereafter. I went back to dating, had a kid with an evil woman who used my son as a weapon against me. Then went back to Psycho for religious reasons, had another child which would also be used against me after she cheated on me, got pregnant by an illegal immigrant and then divorced me for him to try and cover up her infidelity.


By then I was in my early twenties and had nothing but a large child support bill hanging over my head. I had no money, my family was a mess and so was I. I worked to pay taxes, child support and had next to nothing left over; so I went into trucking just to survive and I am still driving truck today. Trucking probably saved my life, I still had no money, a broken down car, no house, nothing; but I had a free roof over my head with 18 wheels beneath my feet. They allowed us small cash advances each week while on the road, I lumped loads whenever possible for extra cash; that is how I survived and put food on my plate. If it weren’t for trucking, I would probably be dead or some place truly f***ed up right now.


I decided then that marriage was not for me! Before; I had the whole white picked fence dream as most people do I guess, but that dream had been destroyed. I dated again till 2002; when one out of the three I was dating, told me I had to choose. She would have been my second pick, but my first choice got scared and ran off with someone else. So I moved to Washington State, settled down and did something stupid again; I got married. Even though it didn’t work out this time either, it was a way healthier marriage then the last two attempts. One thing I did learn from Psycho was; if it didn’t work the first time, it more then likely won’t work the second either.


That marriage lasted only a couple years and I am so glad I joined the clip club after my second divorce from Psycho. No more kids, no more child support; something I sometimes wish I would have figured out a lot sooner. Though not being able to give her any children was part of the problem in the last marriage, that and I wasn’t black and her father HATED that. No, there were other issues besides that; I guess we just weren’t meant to be. I loved her and tried to make it work, but the passion just got lost somewhere.


After our separation in 2004 and soon following divorce, I moved back home to the Mid-West and went back to dating as usual. One of the women I dated, I had been dating off and on since my divorce with Psycho and before my mirage with Ayana. She was ready and waiting; she has always been there for me and even though she just didn’t have what it took to tie me down, she has been a major influence on my life. Shortly before she and I started dating again, while looking for an old friend; I bumped into his ex-wife. He had left her and their kids for his drug dealer, and she was moving back home with her parents. So I offered to help her move, and that is where it all began.


While helping her move, she was flirting with me. I tried to blow it off, but it was all I could think about for days. I called her up, confronted her about the situation and told her that there was no wrong answer. She admitted to having feelings for me for years; I told her there was something there but I could not act on anything just yet. I was still married and even though we had been separated for months, I was still somewhat devoted to my wife. She was in the Air Force, she was deployed in Qatar (Iraq) at the time and I didn’t want to be one of these spouses that cheated while my other half was out defending our freedoms (so I thought, but that is another story; ie. the war). So I told the both of them that I had to wait till she got back to the U.S. and see if there were any salvaging this so called relationship we no longer had, I felt I at least owed her that much.


She came back early and I asked her if she wanted to make our marriage work, she gave me the lip service I wanted to hear, but did nothing to repair what was broken; so I moved on. I dated the both of them for about a year; then as in the past, I lost intimate feeling for the one and went back to just being friends. To hear her tell it, she was the one who broke it off; but if that's what makes her happy then that's the way it was. We are still good friends today.


During that year I think I began to find myself. Even though we knew not of Poly, we were living an open V Polyamorous relationship. Though it was more like Polygamy, we were all free to date other; we just pretty much chose to stay the way we were. We all dated others a couple times, but nothing serious; nothing like what we had in our open V relationship. They stayed devoted to me, and I to them.


Proceeding that year of somewhat finding ourselves, I started to look for another as my missing link. I still didn’t know of "Poly", so I couldn’t come out and identify myself as who I was because that was treacherous grounds and I still had no identity. I started talking to this woman and she seemed to be wonderful, two weeks later she told me I was like a candle in the night; I figured it was time to tell her. We had never met, just talked on the phone. I went to the nudist colony that weekend with my girlfriend and when we returned, I broke the news to the other woman; I never herd from her again. I take that back; I went out of my way to apologize to her for not telling her sooner, she gave me enough respect to accept my apology and then never spoke to me again.


After that I swore I would be me and not hold anything back anymore, that is why some may find me intimidating, overwhelming, "Flaming Poly" (overly out of the closet) and/or aggressive. After that catastrophe; my current girlfriend came out of the closet and wanted me to NOT look for someone just for me, but for us. Six years later, I am still looking. That is why my associate calls me the most Poly non-poly person he knows.


July 17th 2006 I bought a domain name called CainOsCloset, to help find a girlfriend for the two of us. Shortly thereafter, my former girlfriend discovered the Poly Community and joined a coupe for an open V Polyfidelity relationship. She told me about Poly, so I got on line and looked it up. I found the Poly test on OKCupid and scored: (86% Poly =) 95% tolerant of the poly lifestyle =) (But... only 15% just in it for the sex =))); I never looked back from there. I took the test again about a year ago and scored 88% Poly, so I have made some improvements and/or I just know the right answers now. In 2008 I learned how to build social networking sites and then turned CainOsCloset into PolyNetworking to help other as well as ourselves.


Until 2012 we were still looking for our third, for a closed V Polyfidelity Triad; though I was feeling great despair in our quest. Part of me wanted to hold out for the prize, and part of me was afraid that I am waiting for nothing to happen. In the beginning we were both more gung-ho, but as time move on, it became more like I am the only one looking towards the goal. That was until I was about to give up, then she would say not to give up on her and then she showed more active interest; but that only lasted a short while.


I often wandered if this was a ploy to keep me monogamist to her; or if there is something else she isn’t telling me. What was holding her back, I do not know. The only woman I feel she truly loved and wanted in our relationship, freaked out, hardly spoke to her anymore and wanted nothing to do with me; and that was the one whom she says she had feelings for since they were in their teens. We fooled around with another, and so I thought she genuinely felt the way she said she felt, but the subjects of growing our family hardly ever came up anymore; unless I brought them up. The subject later seemed to be the fuel for war rather then harmony; I don’t understand what the problem was or what had happened, nor had I found the solution.


So in 2012 I started to weigh the option because this is when we really started having problems; I knew Polygamy wouldn't work, even though it is probably the more moral “Poly” way to go (to much jealousy issues there); and neither of us really wanted to go back to being amorous (primarily for the same reasons) or so I thought. I didn’t want to loose her but monogamy has not worked in the past either; it seems we were stuck in a stalemate and didn't know what to do. Polyfidelity though it was her idea, seems to me like the best option; a win win win solution. I never saw it before and now it seemed there is nothing else.


In April 2012, we had reached the point of no return; little did I know she had another guy whispering in her ear. I sought help and my associate David Irish of www.DavesHerbShop.com had referred us to an Astrologists friend of his. If anyone wants to contact him, go to www.DatingByTheSigns.com ; I am setting him up a referral site there. He said that we had one of the most unique compatibilities he has seen in years. He also said that statistically 80% of Leo's are with Taurus's because of the amazing chemistry between the two of them. He said the one thing we are lacking is "glue" in our charts; I wasn't sure what that meant exactly. He also said we have what it takes to make it work, but the Leo and Taurus has a lot of challenges. We also saw a marriage counselor and she said the se7en year mark is where most couples come in to see her, so this is somewhat normal; but we had only had one session.


Once she wanted to fight for over 30min over laundry detergent, I started to look for the real reason she was angry. Her whole demeanor had changed; she was detached, guarded and secretive. Occasionally I would come in the room and she'd hop off the phone real quick and give me the dear in the head light look, that was my first real clue. One day in the middle of the night I got up to use the john, and her phone was calling my name. I didn't have to look far, it was right there at the top of her texts or should I say "sexts". A part of me died that morning; I lost all my motor controls, I was shaking, I couldn't stand or walk. I confronted her about it the next day, but she blew it off as just playing around and then made me feel like an *ss for going through her phone. Things went more down hill from there; she got more guarded and secretive, I got more suspicious, started watching her like a hawk, doing my homework and compiling evidence.


I bought some astrology books and some more relationship books to try and heal what was broken. I tried fighting for her and that just made it worse, everything I did just pushed her more towards him. I thought marriage was what she wanted, so I was even ready to do that in order to make us happy again, but she said she didn't know what she wanted anymore. All the secrecy was driving me mad, I was constantly sick to my stomach, I couldn't eat, I lost over 20lbs in two month, I couldn't sleep, I was having hot and cold/num/pain flashes like I was going through menopause or something. I was so bad that I went to my old shrink that helped me through my depression 20yrs ago and went back on Prozac. I also sought my herbologists and got on supporting herbs that would not counter balance the prescription, plus found an alternative for the Prozac so I can wing myself from the pharmaceutical at a later date. I also got stress herbs and teas for the both of us thinking it would help us work though all this. I don't think I ever let a woman mess me up this much before ever. I was a train wreak, I felt I was literally dieing and had no power to do anything about it. She truly broke my heart by going behind my back, I felt I had been run over by the train I thought was the light at the end of the tunnel. After about a month and a half into the affair, she decided she wanted to go back to being Polyamorous; but it was too late for that. She swears she didn't cheat, and maybe physically she didn't; but that's about it.


She had lied to me in the past many times, but this one took the cake. I couldn't trust her anymore; so as much as it hurt, eventually I had to just finally let her go. She was so worried that another woman was going to destroy our relationship, she wasn't prepared for another man to do it; nor was I. Now I question Poly in my own life; I don't think I am the kind of person who can be Polyamorous in a full time, long term deeply committed relationship. Polygyny, Monogamy, Poly-monogamy or Partnered Non-monogamy; maybe. What it boils down to is, I don't think I can handle two roosters in the hen house; that's just who I am. I especially can NOT handle the hen sneaking around with another rooster behind my back! On a good note, we talked about working on salvaging the friendship. That is going to be hard also, but after about a year or so I know it will get easier.


So now I go alone into the age of Aquarius redefining and rediscovering who I am. I do know that I don't think I will be dating any Tauron's anytime soon, if I was just looking for sex it would be a different story; I don't think I will be dating outside my chart at all anymore. So if your a Sagittarius and Aries born around 1974, hit me up; otherwise I'm good.

Thank you so much, CainO'

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